live laugh love :P November 21, 2022

 howdy !!

Sooo I usually don't beat around the bush too much in my emails, and this one will not be an exception:) these last two weeks have been hard, like actually painstakingly hard and so this email will be kind of long, izvini. But I have learned from Francis Bacon that writing is what makes an exact man. So in an effort to understand my own situation a little bit better, I have decided to try and express what is happening though this email. I have learned more probably from these last 2 weeks than maybe I have in most transfers of my mission. BUT to not be a debbie downer, first some pictures over the past 2 weeks

we had a very early morning trip down to Ohrid, like 5am early, to pick up my residency card and to be back in Skopje for some important lessons. Needless to say, driving 6 hours before noon is not my favorite, but God did bless us with a beautiful sunrise.

we got new cars last week !....

which meant we had to say goodbye to our favorite cars:(( rip Annabeth and Micahel

and now for my master parking job. super weird thing about parking here is you just literally pull up onto the sidewalk and park

random pics of sis ch and me

and some delicious chorba after district council

important reminder !! read your scriptures (especially because you are so blessed to have them in your native language!!)

and some beautiful pictures of the neighborhood just up the hill from our apartment

Okay, now you may be asking yourself at this point, wow lots of cool pictures, what does any of that have to do with missionary work?? Well honestly the last two weeks our missionary work has looked very different. With the help of God, we were still able somehow to have more finding time then we usually do and have some amazing lessons, but we were kind of overwhelmed with lists of obvirski to accomplish. Over the past two weeks I think we have spent roughly 15 hours doing financial work, including a 3+ hour report we had to compile at the end of the paying period as well as opening Macedonian bank accounts. I now fully understand why people complain about paying bills. On top of that we had lots of legal work. Like both are important things if you want to be allowed to proselytize, but it is kind of frustrating when taking care of those things prevents you from proselyting... And because sometimes it seems like Satan is just working his hardest, this week was just overall very difficult mentally to find the motivation and joy I usually have in missionary work. 

Our church experiences continue to be absolutely wild. I'll give a slight glimpse into just what it is like to be the only missionaries left alone for Skopje church: At 6:30 when we woke up, I reviewed the lesson plan from one of our members so that I could translate and gather all the resources I needed in Macedonian for relief society. I spent the next hour doing that... then we got ready and walked to church. That day was the primary program and I was accompanying, so that meant that during 2nd hour (which is actually our first hour) I was in primary playing the piano, meaning Sister Chamberlain instead had to translate for relief society (now if you didn't already know this is already a no-no to be separated from your companion, but there isn't really another option when you two are the only people there that can translate and do everything else that needs to be done). But simultaneously, tithing declarations were happening, so I had to pause playing for a second and go and translate an interview between the branch president and one of our members. At roughly 40 mins through this class, we finished what we needed to practice, and so I got to go to relief society where I finished translating the lesson. Then in sacrament, I played the piano, like I always do, but also played for the kids to sing and then translated all of their little talks. Meanwhile, Sister Chamberlain was making sure the zoom was all running and translating for one of our members who is deaf by writing with him. When church was all done, we then had to kinda do damage control and finally take a moment to talk to our friends a little bit more about the service. It was complete chaos, and I wish I could say this week was better but that just doesn't seem to be the kind of church service that is needed here.  

Besides that craziness which I have come to realize shouldn't surprise me at this point, many of our members are just insanely struggling right now. I spent the better part of Saturday being the messenger/translator between our branch president (who is an american and barely speaks Macedonian, although he tries:) and a very, very struggling member. The situation was escalating for several days and we were left to try and handle it while our branch president was out of town, only to have it take a turn for the worse on Saturday. I spent the better part of Saturday absolutely sick over the situation so much that I was in fact sick and still am...

So, what is the point of all of this? What have I even got out of these last couple weeks?

Well, one, God may give support to his missionaries everywhere, but here, that support is not from any people or members or leaders. It is literally just us out here with way too big of problems for any 20 year old to solve. No, the only option we have is Him, and there is something kind of wonderful, although so so hard, about that. 

When I first put in my mission papers, I remember telling my bishop I wanted to serve a mission because I loved God so I wanted to serve his children. I think over time I forgot the independent clause there and just jumped to: I want to help people! And while that is a noble desire, for nearly my entire mission I have felt like I have failed at that. It seems like at some point or another, everytime I try to help someone, they end up rejecting it.Here it even seems like these people are begging for help, but won't accept it. So, then the inevitable question is, if I am failing every day at my goal, or my purpose, why am I still on my mission? That is where the independent clause comes in that I too quickly forgot: I love God. And because he asked me to take up my cross and follow him, I will do whatever he asks of me. Somedays, I feel like Jeremiah, that God put me up against an impossible task, knowing I would never, and could never succeed. Yet, still I try because God asked me to. I am pushing against the rock, not because it will move, but because God asked me to and I know and trust that he knows what is best for me and that it is making me stronger. 

So ljubov,

Sestra Jeni

ps remember this, but also that God loves you even more than that